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May 8, 2009

The Pulpit Joke!

Hey friends..! I recently read this one and I would like to share it with all of you'll. Worth a read guys..! Hilarious..! Joke... with due respect to all...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10..

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this
and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.



14 Mississippi:

LazyKing said...

OMg, hahahahha hilarious.
Thanks for sharing, priests jokes are always funny

Crowscious said...

LOL that was so funny! I wouldn't have minded being at that sermon, it sounds extremely interesting!

Indrayani aka, Indi! said...

:D hillarious!!!! :D

Anurag said...

Roflmao....Me too wouldn't mind attending the sermon would have been hilarious :D

I thought the 1'st point though should have mentioned last...It was becoz of the vodka afterall :D

ki said...

Ahahahaha!!! :D :D :D

Chronicwriter said...

funny.. hope the preachers dont come like this to church


яノςんム said...

Lolz.. I am literally rolling reading this :D

muthu said...


that was a nice one....


Common Man said...

hahahahaha.......shuks man i m still laughin. It would have been little better if u write a disclaimer, as it might hurt few people's sentiment and few might take it personal. But it was a nice funny post and i reali enjoyed reading it!!

Common Man said...

The ones i reali laughed at are points no. 4,5,7,8,9,12.... shucks yaar, "marry with a cherry"....hahaha.....

deluded said...

lmao! really!

the ones I liked were.....

oh, cant say

too stoned ;)

arshat.chaudhary said...

hehehe.. funny..
thanks for this one!

Carl said...

wish we had priests like the that at our church... :) it wud be a blessed surprise apart from the usual 'stories' we are forced to listen to....

Zeba Talkhani said...

Ohhhhhhh. OK. Haha